she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
