Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
