I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
