She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
