Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
