Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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