I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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