Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
