Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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