either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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