ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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