You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
