I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
