How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
