Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
