twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
