I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
