you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if only i could text you this smell
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
