New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
