yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
