Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bring me that man meat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
