Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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