I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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