wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
