we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
