6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
