I hope mine doesn't look like that
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can't just leave with hair like that
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
