Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
