I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
