dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
