I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
