Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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