Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
