if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
