I think my fart just growled at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
