i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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