Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
