I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
