The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
