wanna go halves on a baby?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
