having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
