Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
