girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize