yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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