Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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