I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
