I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
