My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
