in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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