youre lurking in front of me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
