Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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