he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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