He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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