I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
